Learning to love again
by nayariveragleek
Summary: "if you took me back 11 years and asked me where I'd be at 24 I would've replied 'with her'." Santana loses her best friend. Another girl teaches her how to love again. Dantana/ Brittana
1. Septemer 2013

It's been 2758 days since I've heard her voice. 7 years, 6 months and 17 days since I saw her face, held her hand. Bitter sweet memories of me and her. Plenty of pictures and messages all kept under my bed in a box, you know, just in case. Being 24 now and finally having direction in my life left some form of happiness and routine. Wake up, eat, go to work, see Dani, eat, shower, sleep. Being the hot mess that I am I occasionally mess that routine up a little bit with a few drinks. That way 'go to work' gets replaced with my bed and well 'see Dani' and 'eat' take on whole new meanings. As of last year I can officially say I have a steady income, girlfriend, best friend and a home. Necessary things to blend in, appear normal even. Not that I'm saying I'm not normal. I'm just not who I used to be, who I was with her. Needless to say if you took me back 11 years and asked me where I'd be at 24 I would've replied 'with her'.

It's funny how things like that change, the once certain probability becomes a distant dream, an implausible outcome. Things like that change a person. Things like taking away your rock and the only thing you've ever been certain of. A new day becomes a new battle with old memories and a fresh start for new ones. Like I've said it's bitter sweet. I've never really been one to be stuck in the past, you know , that waiting on the world to change for me shit. But she's not just my past, she's always in my present thoughts even if its just for a few seconds. She's there emotionally in those fleeting moments I remember.

My phone started ringing that annoying personalised tone that Quinn put her name to. I could go for the green and entertain her moaning or beckoning call to get back to work, but that would leave Dani with a coffee and an empty table. Certainly not the best lunch date nor the best girlfriend move. With that in mind I slid my finger to the right, cancelling the call and simultaneously any jobs I had to do as I directed my attention to the chiming door as my slightly smaller girlfriend weaved her way through the labyrinth of tables before stopping short of me as I wrapped my arms around her neck.

"Sorry I was late, this dude poured coffee all over me babe" Dani gestured to her stained shirt underneath her jet black trench coat.

"Accident ? or am I going to have to accidently break some legs?" I chuckled as Dani took the seat opposite me with a nod.

"Accident" she smiled, possibly the most beautiful smile in the world, I don't know how she does It. "Thanks for the coffee though, are we still on for tonight?" I carried on watching her actions as she brought the cup to her lips as I reached out an absentmindedly fiddled with the fraying edge to her bracelet.

"Sure thing, I have another meeting with Dr. Martinez tomorrow morning but it's not till 10. I was thinking after I could maybe take you somewhere?" I grinned as she laced her fingers through mine stilling my movements.

"I'd love that San." She smiled again as I finished off the remainder of my white chocolate mocha. "How are the meeting's going?" I rolled my eyes in response, habit, but also nessecary. "Come on, you're the happiest I've seen you, he must be getting something right babe"

"I'm happy because I'm with you Dan. Not because some middle aged man is probing into my past" I finished with a shrug. "I can't help what you do to me."

It's probably what she wanted to hear, but never the less I said it anyway because she needs to know. Dani has helped me in ways I couldn't have got from anyone else. She's taught me how to love again, to trust again and for that I owe her everything I can give.

"I love you, you know that right."

"I Love yo.." My sentence was cut short by my hell phone screeching with a call from satan herself.

"umhm, right, yes. Ok!" I nodded as Dani giggled across from me with a knowing smile. "I'm only 5 minutes away. Calm down Q." I hung up quickly giving Dani an apologetic shrug. "Duty calls."

"It's ok, come on miss lets go"

I slid off my chair, collecting my coat and phone as followed her out of the store. Pulling her into a hug and pressing my lips to hers fleetingly. "I'll see you tonight babe" 

* * *

This is just an idea, so let me know if you want me to continue it. Hopefully I can finish the other two soon I just haven't had the motivation to continue them ! leave me a review and let me know and yes I intend on making it Brittana endgame unless you want Dantana !


	2. Chapter 2

"Dani!" I called out, as I shut the door behind me, kicking my shoes off and throwing my bag down with it as I heard a response from the kitchen. "Quinn is such a fucking nut job. She had me organise through 3 hours worth of paperwork" I huffed as I threw my body down on to the sofa as Dani came shuffling in with 2 drinks in hand.

"I'm sure you deserved it though San" Dani chuckled with a grin, first of all. That smile and those dimples are actually crippling, but instead of succumbing to her undeniable, unintentional charm I rolled my eyes and flicked through the channels. Truth is, I did deserve it, I haven't really been putting much effort into my work recently and turning up an hour late here or 2 hours late there, I think I cut a good bargain considering. The weight on my stomach induced an instant reaction as I wrapped my arms around her waist. "I missed you Dan"

"It's been like 4 hours miss Lopez, but for the record, I missed you too" Dani giggled as she shifted herself so that she could rest her head in the space between my shoulder and neck as I clutched my arms tighter around her. "if you hold me any tighter babe I might stop breathing!" she chuckled into my neck.

"That would make two of us girl, cause you made me stop breathing from the moment I saw you" I joked turning my head slightly to catch the wide smile on her face before she blocked the view with her hand. "What?!" I laughed. "It's true!"

"You need to check yourself San."

"You do enough of that for the both of us" I bit back with a smile as she dipped her head further into my shoulder shielding her face from view

"Oh my god ! You're such a cringe!" she mumbled.

"You love it and you know it" I told her as she finally looked up at me, both smiling like someone had just given us far to many e numbers and caffeine. "I love you so much Dan" I voiced my thoughts, aware of the loud drumming of my heart echoing throughout my body. She leant up and kissed me as I held on to the breath I was holding as she breathed in contently before pulling away, crawling across me to stand up.

"I'm one lucky girl" She smiled as she walked out of the room. I turned my attention to the TV as I watched the last 5 minutes of Keeping up with the Kardashians before my phone started ringing as I pulled it out to see the caller ID of my councillor. Hitting answer I brought the phone up to my ear.

"Santana, how are you?"

"I'm good" I smiled brightly as I glanced in the direction Dani had just left in. "What's with the call?"

"Well depending on whether you can attend our meeting tomorrow I just had a thought it might be a good idea if you brought Danielle along with you if you both wanted to. I just think it might help, but its entirely up to you of course." my smile faultered slightly as I was pulled out of the spell that was Dani.

"I guess, If you think it'll be a good thing then I'm sure she'd be up for it. Don't you think it's a little, you know. Awkward?" I mumbled as I stood up pacing around the room looking for things to idle my free hand as I contemplated the idea.

"Well that would depend on the strength of your relationship Santana, just have a think about it. 10am sound good for you?"

"Yeah sure, see you tomorrow Rick" I finished.

"What was that about?" I turned around quickly noticing Dani walking towards me in just a white towel as she pulled her hand though her hair. "I just grabbed a quick shower" she shrugged with a grin noticing my failure to speak.

"Dr Martinez suggested you should come along my session tomorrow if you wanted to, its completely up to you." I smiled as wrapped my arms loosely around her waist.

"Of course San" Dani smiled as she kissed me. "I'm just going to go get changed, you want to order in some food?"

"Do you have too?" I whined as I followed her into her bedroom. "That towel suits you babe, definitely your colour" I giggled as she dropped the towel with a laugh.

"You're such a dork!"

"HOLLAA I'VE HIT THE JACKPOT!" I giggled as she pulled on a bra and underwear, turning round sharply as I picked her up.

"Santana Lopez, put me down right now!" She smiled those dimples and flashing white teeth as I ungracefully dropped her on the bed and kissed her slowly as she deepened the kiss sending my heart rate sky high. I pulled away my wide smile matching hers.

"What? I couldn't help myself, you make me want to kiss you all the time. It's not fair you know." I shrugged, tangling my fingers through hers as my other hand stroked the smooth skin on her hip.

"Oh yeah. God. Please tell me how unfair that is on you. It must be so difficult for you babe."

"It is, you know like I just want to watch tv and then you appear and seduce me with that smile of yours and it's just plain distracting" I grinned as she giggled in response.

"I can see it now, you're going to need a commercial...For 5 dollars a month you could help a woman like Santana keep it in her pants for an hour" Dani joked as I kissed her cheek.

"Isn't that like reverse prostitution?"

"It's exactly like reverse prostitution. Although I'm not exactly complaining" Dani husked as she pulled on my top collar drawing me closer. "You forgot dinner miss Lopez" I groaned before standing up.

"I can think of better ways to eat" I chuckled as I raised my eyebrows suggestively.

"God, and who said chivalry was dead. I'm whisked of my feet everyday!" I giggled as I pulled Dani up with me leading her into the kitchen well aware of the fact she was still wearing next to nothing.

"Thanks for saying you'll come with me tomorrow Dan. I really appreciate it"

"You know i'd do anything for you San, you need me i'll be there. I'm here to support you babe though everything" my heart dropped with a warm feeling as the smile I've been wearing since the day I met her resumed it's natural place when i'm in her company.

"I'm positive I've never loved anyone more than I love you in this moment Dani"


	3. Chapter 3

After a quick meal and countless kisses into the night with Dani we had practically fallen into bed, sleep taking over quickly. The only issue being the feeling in my arm, or more like lack of it that had woke me up at this untimely hour. Like every night we end up falling asleep near each other but not so drastically entwined like you see on those really cheesy romantic movies, that just isn't comfortable when one of you gets less oxygen than the other or a dead hand within 5 minutes. But again, like every morning I wake up before Dani and sure enough we're connected in ways I didn't think you could be when you're in an senseless stream of unconsciousness.

I looked down at the girl currently pressed so far against me she may as well be connected to me, as her arm wrapped all the way around my taught stomach and her head resting delicately against my shoulder so close I can feel her hot breaths against my cold skin that's exposed to the early morning breeze. Her eye lashes fluttered every few seconds or so or a small scrunch of her nose here or there. The best part of this peaceful Dani is the small smile I can see gracing her face, as her hair frames her face perfectly. Almost as though I'm holding a small piece of heaven in my arms is a pretty perfect way to wake up. Dani would kill me if she saw how much I starred at her when she wasn't looking, but if I tied it when she was i'd only make her uncomfortable, not because she thinks it's creepy or whatever, that status is saved for middle aged guys staring at her, not her girlfriend. But mainly because she doesn't feel deserving of my staring and undying attention. Any compliment gets brushed off with a counter compliment or a joke, but the truth is she's beautiful in ways no one else is, she just doesn't realise it. My mission everyday is to get her to love herself as much as I love her or even as much as she loves me and Santana Lopez never fails.

I can always tell when Dani's awake, her breathing pattern changes and she usually clings on tighter and this morning was no different. I giggled slightly as I leant down to kiss her cheek.

"You're staring San" Dani smiled her eyes still clenched tightly shut.

"Admiring"

"Staring" the smaller girl stated pointedly.

"Appreciating!" I giggled as I ran my hands up and down her arm contentedly.

"Call it whatever you want, but you was staring. Again!" Dani laughed as I rolled my eyes.

"I can't help it, you're just so..."

"perfect? I know San you tell me everyday" Dani laughed as I narrowed my eyes at her as she opened hers, immediately softening my gaze as the smile on my face intensified.

"perfect" I nodded. Leaning down slightly so I could place a small peck to her awaiting lips.

* * *

After a much needed breakfast and shower we made our way over to Dr Martinez's apparently 'in formal, let it all out it'll help' office. I don't see why my family pushed it so much, largely Dani as well, but I honestly don't need the cognitive creepiness of a prying professional. It's been so long, which is a factor of why I find this completely embarrassing, I should have moved on completely, I never once doubted my love for her back then, but now , well now I'm older, more mature and undoubtedly in love with Dani. So what does that exactly mean ? That that part of my life was just a piece, meaningless in the bigger picture of my life? I see it as a sharp, painful, constant yet dull emotion that never leaves when you attach so much of yourself on to someone else and they leave your life. When you go through so much with someone, it can never just go away. Emotions have always been confusing for me though. Now makes things no different, just a little more clearer when Dani's around. Like a pair of glasses that without them i'd see everything blurry.

I smiled in a world of my own at Dani as she squeezed my hand as though she could hear my thoughts. "Come on San this might not be so bad"

"Its embarrassing" I muttered.

"I know it seems stupid but you've come so far since I met you, and I don't think I could ever take seeing you like that again San, it'd kill me" Dani sighed as I nodded remembering all too well the circumstances in which me and Dani met.

"I'd never be like that again Dan, you're like my princess in shining armour" I laughed slightly as I pushed open the door to his office as Dani shot me a small smile.

"Hello Santana, ah, and this must be Danielle" Dr Martinez smiled as Dani took his offered hand with a welcoming smile. "I'm glad you came"

"Me too" I muttered as Dani subtly elbowed my side as we took a seat next to him.

"It's my pleasure Dr"

"Right well, I think it'd be a good place to start where we finished last session Santana?" He asked in a more of a questioning tone, seemingly needing my approval which was given in a short nod. "Great. Dani, we was focusing on how Santana felt when everything happened during the last session and i'm assuming you know about Santana's past?" Dani nodded as she took my hand which I was incredibly grateful for as the air in the room seemed to thicken.

"I-I sort of didn't feel anything you know?" I shrugged. "It was too much to take in..."

"Was this before or after she left?"

"After. She left, well she didn't leave she disappeared. Then my whole world stopped, I was so dependant on her I didn't realise. I just remember waking up every morning thinking it was all a bad dream. That I could go back and protect her, go back and protect her from myself. But at the same time, I was confused. Mostly confused. I loved her, I gave her everything I had to give and she just got up and what?!" I raised my voice slightly as I bit back the lump in my throat. "Got up and left, then suddenly decided 'oh Santana doesn't need me anymore, i'll just leave without saying anything', it killed me. I got involved in things I shouldn't have, took things to numb the pain. I would have probably ended up dead if I hadn't have met this girl" I smiled as Dani seemingly looked as though she felt what I was feeling, felt the pain because she had seen it.

"And how did Danielle help you?"

"We helped each other" Dani answered taking the words right out my mouth.

"She's helped me learn to trust again, feel again. She's given me so much that I couldn't have given myself. She's helped me learn to love again."

* * *

AN: You'll find out a lot more ! This is just the start, I'm aware a lot of you want Brittana endgame and others Dantana but I have two ideas about how this fic can go but either way you Brittana Stans, Dani will be a large part of this story regardless, as will Brittany. But it all depends on you guys which ship is endgame. Stick it out if you like it, likes and dislikes leave in a review and i'll change it asap! You can always message me on tumblr if you want too (: tumblr: donth0ldthewall


	4. Chapter 4

_Flashback _

"Mrs Lopez, I'm Dr Tresider, how are you feeling?" The dark haired middle aged man said with a warm smile as he clicked the pen in his hand against the clip board he was holding. The underweight almost ghostly looking Latina acknowledged his presence with a vacant expression and a small nod.

"Can you remember how you got here Santana? If it is okay for me to call you that?" the girl had been brought in the night before with a fatal overdose and stab wound to her side, she'd lost a lot of blood but the knife had missed her vital organs, never the less she was very lucky to be alive.

"I don't- I can't speak about it. I can't, just there's no words for how I feel. I can't cope. I can't function, I need her. I need her more than anything. No one understands, you can't help me!" Santana sobbed a tear trickling down her face as she clenched her arms around her skinny waist.

"That's fine, I understand if you don't want to speak about it, but you need to realise how lucky you are to be alive Santana. Whatever happened to you, or whatever you are doing to yourself is a very big deal. I can get you all the help you need for recovery Santana."

"Lucky to be alive?" Santana bit out quickly as she stared down at the IV line on her arm. "I don't want to be alive. I don't want to feel anything anymore. And I certainly don't want your help!"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Lopez" The dark haired man muttered apologetically to deaf ears. "I'll have another Doctor come over and check your vitals." Santana, oblivious to his words, carried on staring at the chipped paintwork on the wall next to her, the big blank canvas of white. Almost like a fresh start, immaculate, no writing on the walls. No marks. What she would give to be able to go back to when her life was like that, no trouble or pain. No heartache or misery. Void herself of the constant dull ache in her body that fuels her need for an escape.

A young woman in her early 20's approached the bed with the Latina in with a confident smile and sparkling eyes on the instruction of her senior. The small brunette in front of her however, made her smile falter, as she flipped through the notes at the end of her bed. She wasn't a fully qualified Doctor, not yet; she was still going through her placement at south over hospital and apparently according to her asshole mentor, is competent enough to take vitals. She was also competent enough to kick his ass but that wasn't exactly classified as professional.

"Mrs Lopez, I've come to check your vitals if that's ok?"

The Brunette looked up from her blank gaze as she felt like she had just been propelled back to earth and the first thing she saw was a smile that bright and eyes that hypnotising. It almost sickened her, but in a good way. She gulped back the lump in her throat and nodded slightly. "It's Santana"

"I'm Dani" the doctor smiled as she drew nearer. Almost drawing a smile out of the broken girl.

_Present. _

"And could you see yourself going back to how you were?" Dr Martinez nodded slightly in contemplation as I shook my head.

"I have Dani; I don't need anything else to fill that gap. Not that you fill a gap or anything" I quickly hastened out making sure she didn't get the wrong idea. "I couldn't see myself doing anything that would make her disappointed in me; she makes me want to be a better person ever day."

"That's amazing progress Santana from the girl who I first saw, I just wonder if you become so heavily dependent on Danielle, if you were to split up for unforeseen circumstances what that would mean for you? A relapse would really test your strength Santana" the Dr mussed as I frowned disbelievingly at him, the thought hadn't crossed my mind and I certainly didn't want it too. "I've never seen anyone so broken in my whole professional career and to see you like this now I just want you to become independently secure in yourself and not replace old stories with new faces."

"I'd never break up with Santana" Dani stated confidently as my stomach flipped at the comment making me lean even more discretely into her side. "She's not dependant on me, I'm her rock and she's mine." Dani muttered as she glanced her head in my direction almost feeling my gaze on her.

"I just want to ensure that when we discussed what has brought you to counselling and what you said you would like to gain from these sessions will be met Santana and I know you had worries over you capability to trust someone again let alone love, if this relationship is as serious as you say it is, too love someone to the extent you did Br..."

"Don't say it!" I all but shouted out as my heart rate increased so fast I felt faint. "Don't mention her name, ever. I came to these sessions because I was a ticking time bomb every day, I'm always so constantly mad at everything, nothings easy with me unless Dani's there. I've got –or more like had, so much pent up anger I couldn't function properly which made every day a battle with wanting to turn to my old life to deal with it all."

"How do you feel when you're around Dani?"

"For a start I actually feel. Without her it's kind of like I'm just there you know? Just getting through the day, counting down the minutes till I can se...This is stupid." I stopped myself as I glanced at Dani who had a smile hidden beneath her hair which was hanging over her face as she leant forward staring at her feet. "Look, with no disrespect, I'm not going to go injecting myself or anything like that anytime soon. I'm perfectly happy and the only reason for that is this girl sat next to me. I don't care if I'm dependant on her, I don't care if I put myself at risk of being hurt, or loving her too much. Because what we have is something special and I wouldn't change it for anything. I think I'm done here Dr." I stated confidently as picked up my bag and stood up, Dani's hand still very much in mine.

"What she said." Dani laughed with a nervous edge to her voice that all but made me die on the spot.

"I'll take you out of my schedule Santana but if you need me please call"

"Thanks Doc, I'm certain I won't need to but thanks for everything" I nodded as I pulled open the door and exited with Dani obviously still beaming after my words.

* * *

So far it's Brittana endgame guys! So I know there is a lot of Dantana but that's only because Dani will play a major role in this story! review if you want or tweet me or whatever. I love hearing from you!


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